A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find th e key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

I woke up this morning feeling happy it's Friday. Not a whole lot on my plate for work today, so I should get off at 5. Kids are at Gramma's so it's just me and the hubby. The weekend was full of possibilities.

I was running a little late... about 5 minutes... that's what I get for not thinking about what to wear the night before.

Run out of the house. Kick a big rock away from the van - crazy neighbor kids always hauling rocks around.

Climb in my car. Adjust my fanny - It's a van and I'm not tall so I have to climb in - heehee. Start the car - oo forgot to turn the a/c off yesterday - brr. Look out the rear view mirror to back up... that's funny, what are the spiderweb lines? Holy shit! There's a huge HOLE in my window!

!!! I'm stunned !!!

Why would someone do that? What on earth makes a person think, "I'm going to break that window?" I didn't see anyone else with vandalized vehicles on our street and there were TWO rocks thrown at my car. The one I kicked away and one INSIDE the car. The bastards! I'm just beyond words.

I guess the good thing is my kids aren't here, so I don't have to worry about driving them anywhere, nothing was taken from inside the car (not that there is much in there, but it would have made things worse), and the rocks didn't do any damage to the paint or any of the lights. Light replacements are freaking expensive.

Now instead of a nice relaxing weekend without the short people, I have to get estimates for a window replacement and rearrange my bills (again!) to fit in a $400 window replacement. So much for going to the Ren Faire. I'm so angry and irritated right now, I could spit.

This is one life experience I could have done without!